22.07.03 - 7:25 p.m.

sorry i haven't written in awhile. i was at camp and then what happened the other night.well, it must suffice to say, i have been busy.

i was at camp. i'm too depressed now to speak of those happy times. i guess i have no reason to be unhappy, actually, i have every reason to be happy. i don't know why i'm not. i don't really know much about my feelings right now. let me explain.

me and jordan went to the 15 and over swim last nite. of course, they believed we were 15 but we only went to make sure that none of our other friends would be there. we messed around a bit. well, more than a bit. the lifeguards gave us half amused looks. hehe.

we got out of the pool early and went outside. we went behind a shaded area, where no one could see us. we made out for about half an hour. a lot of stuff happened then that i would perfer not to say, mostly to keep my own privacy. sounds a bit weird for someone who writes their own web diary but i still have some private life.

anyway, my dad eventually drove up and we had to say goodbye. now, i don't know what to think.

is our relationship becoming more physical then emotional? is that good or bad? i feel so confused. neither of us know what to do in this kind of relationship or what to do. it's like walking hand in hand through a terrifying pitch black hallway, not knowing what hororrs lurk in the shadows around you, waiting to tear you apart.

i can't write anymore. i don't want to inflict any of my terrible emotional pain on the reader. i am truly sorry i ever wrote this. but, it needs to be said.

~Dj Mayhem

Currantly listening to: Billy Talent "Try Honestly"

the past - the future